A DAY IN THE LIFE OF PAUL GREENWOOD Submitted on 02/07/2004 by ?
Thursday 22nd April 2004

6.00am - Wakes up with a smile on his face
6.40am - Gets into his Sierra to go to work

6.45am - Calls at Tescos for the morning papers with a smile on his face. Has a laugh with the checkout girl and tells her the joke about the extractor fan.

7.00am - Starts work smiling.
7.00am - 9.45am - Works, laughs, tells jokes.

9.45am - Pops to Tescos during his morning break for bacon sandwiches, has a laugh with the till attendant and then tells him the joke about the young stud and the towel.

10.00am - 11.30am - Works, laughs, tells jokes.

11.30am - Leaves work for lunch, still smiling. Heads off to Tescos for Pie, Peas & Chips. Exchanges pleasantries with a Tescos security guard and then tells him the joke about the ex-prostitutes and the fish & chip shop.

12 Noon - Returns to work very happy. Works, laughs, tells jokes.

1.45pm - Phones Jackie at home to see if she needs any shopping, then tells her the joke about the three blokes on the golf course.

2.00pm - Finishes work with a smile on his face and calls at Tescos for some bread and milk. The Checkout Girl says ‘Hi Greeny!’. He tells her the joke about the transvestite.

3.10 pm - Attaches trailer to the Sierra to transport his weekly collection of ‘Computer For Schools’ vouchers to school as he collects his son Jack. Tells Jack the joke about the lobster and the crab.
4.00pm - Dashes along the street to his mother’s house,
‘Howay Mam. I’ll take ya to Tescos’ he says.
‘But Paul we only went yesterday’, she replies.
‘Never mind, you may have forgotten something’ he says as they set off.
Tells his Mother the joke about the Arab who buried his head in the sand.

4.30pm - With a smile on his face he proceeds to buy The Chronicle and enough red wine, lager and cider for a massive new years party from Tescos. The Checkout Girl says, ‘Had a good day Greeny?’, ‘Wey aye, hinny’, he replies and then tells her the joke about the bar and the toilet door on the fishing boat.
5.15pm - Laden with booze he leaves home for the UEFA cup semi-final against Marseilles. (He is renowned for bringing the same amount of booze to a home game as an away game).
5.30pm-6.30pm - Drinks, laughs, tells jokes in The Sporties.
6.30pm - Gets on to the coach at The Sporties, still smiling.6.35pm - Whilst telling his latest favourite joke he pours everyone in the back 12 seats a drink in plastic glasses that he has provided.
7.00pm - His smile widens as he exchanges jokes with Johnathon on the back seat.
7.20pm - He orders 6 pints of snakebite from the barman in The Stage Door, smiles and tells him the joke about the schoolboy and his first sexual experience.
7.40pm - Leaves The Stage Door with a smile on his face and has a bit crack with the bouncer.
7.45pm - Takes his seat and then tells Brian, the lad who he sits next to, the joke about the rampant monkey.
8.15pm - Gets rather excited as Ameobi nearly scores. A bloke from 3 rows behind shouts, ‘Sit down man, Greeny!’, he smiles, winks and then sits down.

8.15pm-9.35pm - Shouts, screams, laughs, shouts some more, smiles, tells everyone in the adjacent seats a joke, laughs and then shouts some more, smiles…………

9.40pm - Leaves St.James’ and reassures The Steward that 0-0 is not a bad result.
‘Hope you’re right Greeny’ he replies.

9.55pm - Back on the bus, he dishes out the remainder of the booze to everyone on the back 12 seats whilst singing ‘Bring on The Hearts, The Hibs, The Celtic, Bring on The Spaniards………………….’
10.00pm–10.30pm - Drinks, laughs, sings and tells jokes to everyone in the back 12 seats of the bus.

10.30pm–11.15pm - Drinks, laughs, sings and tells jokes in The Sporties.

11.15pm - Leaves The Sporties smiling. The Landlord says, ‘Good Night Greeny’. He smiles, tells him the joke about the neglected housewife and the boiled eggs.

11.30pm - Takes a warm cup of coffee up to bed for Jackie.

11.45pm - Goes to sleep with a smile on his face.
Two things for you to think about: Submitted on 01/07/2004 by ?
1. Have you ever known Greeny to be in a bad mood?

2. How many times have you bumped into him at Tescos?